DARR

May I present to you a brand new story…. Yeh story mein Comedy hai, Violence hai, Naach-Gaana hai, Romance hai, Hero-Heroine hai, Sidey hai aur ek Villain bhi hai.

This story is about 3 individuals. Let me introduce them one by one.

CHARACTER 1 : SUNNY DEOL

Once upon a time lived a sweet little boy (that's a bit debatable) called Bullu (Bull-jeet). He had an angelic smile and an innocent face. Now, Bullu was a great lover of Women-kind. He respected and worshipped girls. In fact girls would flock around him like a herd of sheeps and buffaloes. (By the way Bullu has got admission in SUNY-BUFFALO). Soon he had a new nickname "GOPI". He could allure even the most unorthodox or reticent of girls to his side and would make them dance to his tune like a snake charmer. Indeed, he was a Casanova ; and a good one at that. Girls just adored him. Being a sweet talker he could charm his way right into a girl's heart. The guys, well they were just plain jealous of him. A lot of his friends tried to shake his stronghold over the girls but to no avail. Prominent among them were Mister Paad, Shetan, Bhow-rabh and She-man. But Bullu had good friends and they just loved him, even though he ignored them and acted as if they didn't exist.

CHARACTER 2 : JUHI CHAWLA

Also in Bullu's class was an absent-minded crazy sweet girl called Fun-Ali. (By the way, she is of no relation to the famous Mohammed Ali) Fun-Ali was a "Cartoonist's Delight & Hair-Stylist's Nightmare". She had this irritating little grin on her face much like Kulal, and always was late in understanding jokes. She always laughed much after the joke was over. This was due to a built in 'D' Flip Flop.

/* For those who didn't get the joke D means Delay */

What made her a cartoonist's delight and a hairstylist's nightmare, were her hair. They were obnoxiously wild and in fact could even be termed outrageous. IT WAS A JUNGLE OUT THERE.

OLD JUNGLE SAYING 1 : A legend has it that a Cuckoo built a nest out of her hair when Fun-Ali was sleeping in the balcony while still a little kid. And they have been the same since then.

No amount of hair-gel or straightening could rectify them. Her hair is like Iron-Fillings piled up in a heap and aligned along random magnetic fields of varying intensity. Indeed a hair-raising experience.

However her hair do have good qualities. Let us just list some of them.

1) As a Mop : You could hang Fun-Ali upside down and use her hair as a mop to clean your floor.

2) As a Stationary Carrier : Her hair is so dense that you could stick all your pens, pencils, rulers and erasers in her hair. This negates the need to carry a pencil box. But the only problem is that they may get lost for all of eternity.

OLD JUNGLE SAYING 2 : Another legend has it that Fun-Ali's good friend, Gwati found her "Drafter", "Set Square" and her "Drawing Pins" in Fun-Ali's hair almost 3 years after she had placed them there immediately after the Semester II exams.

3) As a Cap : Fun-Ali unique hair deviates Sun-beams so much that they often lose their way in trying to reach her scalp. This gives her a natural protection against the Sun.

4) Self-Defense : Fun-Ali's hair is spiky like that of a Porcupine, so she can use them in self-defense.

5) Water-Reservoir : Fun-Ali's hair can store water because even water finds it difficult to escape the unique structure.

6) Aegis against Brain Damage : No matter how hard you try to hit Fun-Ali on her head, her hair offers protection in addition to her cranium. However this is ironical because Fun-Ali does seem to lack one. (brain) Try tapping her knee.

In spite of her hair, she had good friends and they cared a lot about her. She is lucky to have such good friends.

CHARACTER 3 : SHAH RUKH KHAN

Now in the same class lived a devious minded big little kid called Ponty. Ponty was enormously built and a toughie. He was a Punjab da Sher and was often referred to as "Sher Singh". Ponty was gigantic and had a protruding belly. He breathes fire and his voice was like a lion's roar putting fear among even the bravest of men. But Ponty was a coward at heart. He feared the world in general and girls in particular. We will be specifying Ponty's other million 'bad' qualities in an exclusive story being released much later.

KAHANI : DARR

Bullu and Fun-Ali were good friends. They got on really well together. Fun-Ali without Bullu and Bullu without Fun-Ali were like fish taken out of water ( or like Fun-Ali without her hair. )

Bullu and Fun-Ali hung out together, sang duets at Dadar Station, pushed each other down from benches, went for picnics to Meera-Gaon, pranced and danced around trees like 'Ostriches' and saw movies sitting in the Balcony when all their friends sat in the Stalls waiting for them. Their life was going of really well together. The effect of Fun-Ali was such that Bullu started to ignore his female friends just like he used to ignore his male friends. Even Bandru his traveling companion and "langoti yaar" was not spared. This gave rise to new "Gopi's like Shetan and Bhow-rabh though other challengers like Mister Paad failed miserably.

KAHANI MEIN PEHELA TWIST : ENTRY OF PONTY

Ever since he first set his eyes on Fun-Ali, Ponty was bowled over by her beauty, her atrocious hairstyle (Ponty liked wild hair), her charming personality, her late reaction to jokes (Ponty too found it hard to comprehend jokes quickly) and also her platform sandals. Ponty started drooling over Fun-Ali. Ponty punched her, kicked her, stole her pens, hid her platform sandals, and made her run around the entire college chasing him but in his heart of heart he still liked her. However being terrified of females, Ponty didn't have the courage to tell her. He would blurt F.F.F.F.F..... (like k.k.k.k....kiran in the real Darr) but just couldn't manage to say it right. He stammered and stuttered, beloved and screamed but nothing seemed to cum out of his mouth. That made him furious with rage. He would play more and more pranks to get her attention but these would just succeed in alienating her. What happened at Gorai Beach is now just a part of folklore.

Fun-Ali in turn slapped him, kicked him, screamed at him and even tickled him with her porcupine hair but to no avail. Ponty was an honest man and let everyone know about his feelings. He had good friends; they tried to help him but were handicapped because Bullu was their good friend too. Ponty became like a man possessed, he would say F.F.F.F.... all day long. Finally after many unsuccessful attempts he did manage to say it right but it was too late. The sweet little Gopi had beaten him to the finishing line by a long long way. Ponty was like a turtle cum-peting against a hare like Bullu.

Ponty was enraged. In a bus-ride, he got so infuriated that he turned beet red with anger and started to "shake" with fury. But nothing could "calm" him down. Suddenly he let out a huge "roar". The bus trembled and his co-travelers feared for their lives. Then just as suddenly as he had "erupted" Ponty calmed down. The entire bus heaved a sigh of "relief". Ponty had just laid his eyes on an exotic Gujrati beauty called Bhaloo (Bhalguni). His attention diverted, he forgot all about Fun-Ali. Funali and Bullu were saved from the clutches of a sinister force --> the evil Ponty.

KAHANI MEIN DOOSRA TWIST : THE NULL POINTER

Fun-Ali and Bullu having survived a stern test lived happily for a long time before a new character entered their lives. He was Shetan, the evil conjuror.

Date: 20th March
Time: Afternoon
Place: Arnala Beach

Scene: Boys, girls and Ponty from BE-3 having fun in a swimming pool in a resort. Everyone was busy enjoying but nobody paid any particular attention to the scheming Shetan and his buddy in crime Bhow-rabh. Having picked their prey Bullu, they planned to pull down his shorts under-water. Bhow-rabh and Shetan slith across the water along the bottom of the pool like a shark out on a kill towards their potential victim, Bullu. Bullu was caught off-guard as 2 pair of hands (that makes it 2+2=4 hands) attacked him. One pair pulled down his shorts and swam away from the scene of crime having achieved their purpose. (Bhow-rabh). But the other pair, blissfully unaware that his buddy had already completed their mission, stretched out his hands in order to pull down Bullu's shorts. But by mistake he managed to grasp something. he shouldn't have. Because those shorts were the last line of defense that Bullu had. Bullu was taken by surprise and managed to catch an exasperated Shetan trying to make his exit. When Shetan surfaced from the water, Bullu caught hold of his hand and said "YEH DIL MAANGE MORE".

Shetan was shocked, he did not expect Bullu to have reacted the way he did. Bullu fell heads and heels in love with Shetan. Fun-Ali was meanwhile busy defending herself against the "cheapu" Langur who was hell-bent on drowning her. When she found out much later what had occurred, she was furious with Shetan for having exposed Bullu's true identity. (a null pointer)

Shetan being a good friend was ashamed of himself for having cum between his two friends and backed off. Life returned to normal and Fun-Ali and Bullu lived happily ever after.

However Bullu still sends signals to Shetan every alternate day. Shetan being such a good friend has resisted himself. Both Fun-Ali and Bullu should realize that they have such good friends. Considering they have only a week left in college, they should invite all their friends for a big party at Meera-Gaon. Ponty also should realize that he has such good friends who try to help him with each of his crushes.

- Edited and Compiled by Sourabh / Ketan