Once upon time, there lived a crazy little boy called Kulal. There was a wicked grin on his face and a hairstyle like that of a Shah Rukh Khan. His hair covered half his face and his grin made up the other half. Every horse in the world would have been jealous of his hair. And each barber at this side of the Atlantic Ocean hated him for his coiffure. It was like "burkha" covering his face, like a veil of darkness. For that he had no special reason to use sunglasses. He had probably never seen the sun in his life, and even Nun-ki his good friend used to be jealous of his locks.
Kulal had a special talent, which we realized; God gave to a privileged few. I/O privilege level --> 0. And that was his fluency in English profanities. There was no word in the "Oxford's English Profanity Dictionary" that he was not acclimatized with. In fact he was responsible for adding a few thousand pages to this dictionary. They were his creations, of which there was no doubt, not even to God himself. After having conquered the English Language he shifted his attention to exploring the Hindi Language. It didn't take him long to conquer this "peak" as well and soon overtook the likes of "Langur", "Ponty", "Bishu", "Tintin", "Mister Paad" and even "Shetan". "Shetan" was the Betaaj Badshah of the Hindi Slang and was for long considered the "Father of The Hindi Gaalis". But he was no match for Kulal who was determined to become the "Best" or "The No.1" in the business. LANGUAGE NO BAR.
Even after this fierce rivalry to succeed in the "gaali" business, his friends still liked him. They were ready to withstand all his gaalis and abuses, thinking that he would improve someday. Though it did seem a distant possibility. After his heroics and conquests of English and Hindi, Kulal turned to new horizons. The last we heard he was trying to memorize the Swahili abuses and even befriended Wobin to learn the Mallu Gaalis. Such was his resolve to be the "Best" ever and to be better than people like "Denis Rodman" and "John McEnroe". His name was finally entered into the "Guinness Book Of World Gaalis" for patenting the maximum number of abuses / slang words. Among all his profanities, the word he likes most and the one he uses as a lethal weapon is the R**** word. In full flow he can even leave God ashamed (forget Langur) and agitate even the mildest and the calmest of all his God-fearing honorable friends. Such was the aura surrounding him.
Now, Kulal had a special friend called Nun-vi. They were great buddies, just like Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota hai. Actually the film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was loosely based on Kulal's real life. We will let you know who the real life counter-part of Rani Mukherjee's character is. Kulal and Nun-vi always hung out together, traveled in the same bus, sang duets at Maitri and hopped around trees like Kangaroos in the world famous Diamond Gardens at Chembur.
KAHANI MEIN TWIST : ENTER RANI MUKHERJEE
After around an year of college-life, entered a girl called Tanan. Such was her charisma that Kulal and all his male friends were spellbound and left drooling. But she had her own priorities, which certainly did not include Kulal's male friends. Kulal fell for her big time. She cast a hypnotic magical trance on Kulal. Such was her effect that Kulal got a haircut for the first time in his entire life. This act of his disappointed Nun-vi and left Nun-ki a happy person. Now she had the longest hair in the class.
Nun-vi packed off her bags and went away sulking to a far-away land. This had absolutely no effect on Kulal since he was already in a vicious spell. To impress / "shine" he tried showing off his talent which was his vocabulary skills. When this didn't work, Kulal added another feather to his already illustrious career and tried to master the "Gujju" slang. His efforts showed "shining" results, though not much. Now Kulal started to cum to college by a different mode of transport --> a bIndica and also bought a mobile phone(PCO) which he used in great effect for "shining". He soon realized that she had a great dislike for profanities. So he had to part away with his vocabulary, which was a very stressful period in his life. For his vocabulary was the only arsenal in his armory till he got a car and a phone. However this did not make much of an effect. Kulal still hasn't given up "shining".
However, his friends have realized the inevitable and they tried to convince him but he abused them and stopped giving free rides in his car to friends who tried to help him including "Bhow-rabh". But he has good friends. They still love him, his car and his phone in spite of having to suffer from his vocabulary. Now that he has got an admission in "Virgin-ia Tech", his priorities have changed. All the "Kovalis" in Virginia beware, Kulal's cumming to you with a vengeance and his tongue (via his vocab).
Kulal should realize that only 7 days of college are left and you should give a free ride to every soul in college especially the ones that live in Powai and Ghatkopar. We thank you Kulal for having improved our vocabulary. You have made a difference. It's been a pleasure and a learning experience listening to all your talks. I hope you grant us all a PHD in "gaali-logy". May you educate thousands of our countrymen / countrywomen and also our friends in the United States of America
- Edited and Compiled by Sourabh / Ketan
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