/* hey read this, satire on a guy from my class called rohit kelapure
written by who else but yours truly */
Hi Guys and Gals (especially gals)! U just have to read this. It is a must read!!!
This email was written by an SAKEC kid a month after he reached the US at the Virginia Polytechnic. Read on and get some reality-IN YOUR FACE.
Hi,
This is Rohit from VirginaTech - finally I got time to write about life here - u c, I'm 2 busy. Life here is cool, so are the babes. They are just waiting to come in your arms, even two at a time!
If u dream about such a life in US then WAKE UP! It's NOT like that, at least not here. I will attempt to give u some idea about life here along with some down to earth facts.
Let me apologize right now for writing such a looooooong mail. What could I do - When u'll come to know what I went thru I'm sure u will have to reconcile ur ideas about USA.
On leaving Sahar airport, I had something to eat for my dinner. I had a window seat but however hard I tried I just couldn't manage to open the window. So I had no benefit of the window seat.
However when I woke up - I was above clouds - it was a clear sunny daylight and I was about to land Frankfurt.
At Frankfurt: Our flight terminal was changed. So we had to run. Then they weighed my hand baggage - it appeared heavy so they put it on some belt. Then they weighed me and put me on the belt as well. I thought it was security check. I was waiting for them to lift me off the belt and give my handbag as well. Suddenly someone realised their mistake and let me off the belt. Thank god for that.
And they gave me a receipt - my handbag was sent to cargo! And it contained my immigration documents! I felt worried - what could I do?? And now no Indian food was available - so I was hungry for next flight, rather had only orange juice and coffee. Saw Erin Brokowich in flight. Julia Roberts looks hot in that movie. Wish they had shown Basic Instinct though.
ON LANDING:
When I went to immigration people, I told them the problem. They told me to wait. When everybody's stuff was processed, I had to deposit my passport there and a police came with me to retrieve the stuff. Then we had to go through customs and agriculture - they checked my foodstuff. I was worried they might take away my chocolate cakes that I had packed for eating in VirginiaTech. Luckily, nothing was seized.
WELCOME TO USA:
I had no one to pick me. Some of the first things I noticed was the cold, the cars, the roads and the american babes. Man they were hot.
ISA:
This is the VirginiaTech Indian Student Association. I was housed temporarily at one of their members' apartments. The guy who owned the apartment was quite good-looking. I had some cake and Pepsi.
APARTMENT:
The seniors told me that many people had arrived this year, so first I should book an apt. When I went to the office, they told me that my waitlist no. was 240! And they garunteed that I am not getting an apt. before spring.
Screwed! This is just the starting.......read on....
JOB:
There was already a huge rush of Indian and Chinese people.
So I went to bookstore & cafeteria - they have independent recruitment. Before I entered the bookstore, an Indian guy met me and told me that the bookstore manager is very angry on Indians with blonde hair. Same thing happened in cafeteria. They thought I was an American trying to fool them for jobs.
We dont have student ID's till then - so no internet access. But I managed to lay my hands on a comp at a seniour's apartment. I immediately sat down and typed a long letter for Asmita, I made 4-5 drafts before I wrote the perfect emotional mail. But when I logged on, I remembered that Asmita didn't have a computer at home. I cursed myself for my bad luck.
Meanwhile, i still continued to have pure jain food - that was the promise I had given to Kanan. Where I lived there were people cooking non-veg beside me.
THE JOBSEARCH CONTINUES.....
In our department, TA's are decided by a separate committee and thats something we cant help. So I moved to profs. for Research Assistantships. Again the same scene - they were so pissed off with ppl. like us that they put notices outside doors "Students, I do not have any RA positions. Still if u are interested, u can leave ur resume in the bin out there!"
MY STORY:
So this was the scene when I went to meet a prof called Ravi Prakash. He saw my resume and literally grilled me for half an hr. I still had trouble walking properly afterwords. Anyway he kept my resume and showed me the big pile of resumes in which mine was going to end up in.
Next day, while I was roaming around, still hopeless, he happened to mate me and asked whether I recieved his email - I didnt since in my last access, I had spent quite some time chatting with a female having a nick eeny weeny bikini. So I hadn't been in a mood to check my mails.
Anyway he told me that he would like to mate me at 3:30pm that day. It was already 2:30 then. He told me that I was one of the four ppl whom he is considering for RA.
It was a weekend that time and I spent 2 days cursing myself for losing a golden oppurtunity in a desperate situation. Suddenly, I banged (again literally) into Ravi Prakash and he told me to mate at 3:30 pm again for a bodystorming session.
When I went in sharp at 3:30, He told me : "So here is it, Rohit, I am giving you Research Assistantship for TWO Semesters". I still remember how I was smiling all alone all along the way back home and still limping.
Now for a new apartment. The seniors cannot be kind enough to keep 10 ppl like me in a 2 bedroom hall kitchen apt for 6 months especially when the other 9 of them turned out to be heterosexuals. But I managed to get a fantastic deal on a new apartment.
Then I had my i-card and my Computer logins and VirginaTech email ID. My new email is mailto:rkelapure@virgins.com
so that's it - those were the ups and downs in my briefs.
Enough to depress or excite u like anything.
Now I have moved in the new apt., the college has started and so is the RA work. Also 20 hrs a week is too less - I used to work 20 hours a day in Bombay - I realised that after starting to work - but no one pays u just like that!
Climate:
Its around 0 deg. right now. we can survive becoz all places (house, univ, car etc. ) have heaters in winter temp reaches -40 and there is snow all the times.
* no wonder this place is called virginia, it's too cold to do anything *
People:
VirginiaTech grad population can be divided as:
50% Indians ( desi - i hate them )
40% Chinese ( chinese are ok - i like their eyes )
10% American & other internationals
* i just love the american chicks maan *
American girls are generally sexy and helpful. It is normal to have casual sex when we happen to meet them while going around - even if we dont know them.
But thats not for all - i hate the african americans babes.
Wishing you best of luck in your endavours,
ROHIT KELAPURE
Bhai Kelapure
Research Assistant, Department of Computer Science,
Virginia Tech,
Virginia 75083.
written by who else but yours truly */
Hi Guys and Gals (especially gals)! U just have to read this. It is a must read!!!
This email was written by an SAKEC kid a month after he reached the US at the Virginia Polytechnic. Read on and get some reality-IN YOUR FACE.
Hi,
This is Rohit from VirginaTech - finally I got time to write about life here - u c, I'm 2 busy. Life here is cool, so are the babes. They are just waiting to come in your arms, even two at a time!
If u dream about such a life in US then WAKE UP! It's NOT like that, at least not here. I will attempt to give u some idea about life here along with some down to earth facts.
Let me apologize right now for writing such a looooooong mail. What could I do - When u'll come to know what I went thru I'm sure u will have to reconcile ur ideas about USA.
On leaving Sahar airport, I had something to eat for my dinner. I had a window seat but however hard I tried I just couldn't manage to open the window. So I had no benefit of the window seat.
However when I woke up - I was above clouds - it was a clear sunny daylight and I was about to land Frankfurt.
At Frankfurt: Our flight terminal was changed. So we had to run. Then they weighed my hand baggage - it appeared heavy so they put it on some belt. Then they weighed me and put me on the belt as well. I thought it was security check. I was waiting for them to lift me off the belt and give my handbag as well. Suddenly someone realised their mistake and let me off the belt. Thank god for that.
And they gave me a receipt - my handbag was sent to cargo! And it contained my immigration documents! I felt worried - what could I do?? And now no Indian food was available - so I was hungry for next flight, rather had only orange juice and coffee. Saw Erin Brokowich in flight. Julia Roberts looks hot in that movie. Wish they had shown Basic Instinct though.
ON LANDING:
When I went to immigration people, I told them the problem. They told me to wait. When everybody's stuff was processed, I had to deposit my passport there and a police came with me to retrieve the stuff. Then we had to go through customs and agriculture - they checked my foodstuff. I was worried they might take away my chocolate cakes that I had packed for eating in VirginiaTech. Luckily, nothing was seized.
WELCOME TO USA:
I had no one to pick me. Some of the first things I noticed was the cold, the cars, the roads and the american babes. Man they were hot.
ISA:
This is the VirginiaTech Indian Student Association. I was housed temporarily at one of their members' apartments. The guy who owned the apartment was quite good-looking. I had some cake and Pepsi.
APARTMENT:
The seniors told me that many people had arrived this year, so first I should book an apt. When I went to the office, they told me that my waitlist no. was 240! And they garunteed that I am not getting an apt. before spring.
Screwed! This is just the starting.......read on....
JOB:
There was already a huge rush of Indian and Chinese people.
So I went to bookstore & cafeteria - they have independent recruitment. Before I entered the bookstore, an Indian guy met me and told me that the bookstore manager is very angry on Indians with blonde hair. Same thing happened in cafeteria. They thought I was an American trying to fool them for jobs.
We dont have student ID's till then - so no internet access. But I managed to lay my hands on a comp at a seniour's apartment. I immediately sat down and typed a long letter for Asmita, I made 4-5 drafts before I wrote the perfect emotional mail. But when I logged on, I remembered that Asmita didn't have a computer at home. I cursed myself for my bad luck.
Meanwhile, i still continued to have pure jain food - that was the promise I had given to Kanan. Where I lived there were people cooking non-veg beside me.
THE JOBSEARCH CONTINUES.....
In our department, TA's are decided by a separate committee and thats something we cant help. So I moved to profs. for Research Assistantships. Again the same scene - they were so pissed off with ppl. like us that they put notices outside doors "Students, I do not have any RA positions. Still if u are interested, u can leave ur resume in the bin out there!"
MY STORY:
So this was the scene when I went to meet a prof called Ravi Prakash. He saw my resume and literally grilled me for half an hr. I still had trouble walking properly afterwords. Anyway he kept my resume and showed me the big pile of resumes in which mine was going to end up in.
Next day, while I was roaming around, still hopeless, he happened to mate me and asked whether I recieved his email - I didnt since in my last access, I had spent quite some time chatting with a female having a nick eeny weeny bikini. So I hadn't been in a mood to check my mails.
Anyway he told me that he would like to mate me at 3:30pm that day. It was already 2:30 then. He told me that I was one of the four ppl whom he is considering for RA.
It was a weekend that time and I spent 2 days cursing myself for losing a golden oppurtunity in a desperate situation. Suddenly, I banged (again literally) into Ravi Prakash and he told me to mate at 3:30 pm again for a bodystorming session.
When I went in sharp at 3:30, He told me : "So here is it, Rohit, I am giving you Research Assistantship for TWO Semesters". I still remember how I was smiling all alone all along the way back home and still limping.
Now for a new apartment. The seniors cannot be kind enough to keep 10 ppl like me in a 2 bedroom hall kitchen apt for 6 months especially when the other 9 of them turned out to be heterosexuals. But I managed to get a fantastic deal on a new apartment.
Then I had my i-card and my Computer logins and VirginaTech email ID. My new email is mailto:rkelapure@virgins.com
so that's it - those were the ups and downs in my briefs.
Enough to depress or excite u like anything.
Now I have moved in the new apt., the college has started and so is the RA work. Also 20 hrs a week is too less - I used to work 20 hours a day in Bombay - I realised that after starting to work - but no one pays u just like that!
Climate:
Its around 0 deg. right now. we can survive becoz all places (house, univ, car etc. ) have heaters in winter temp reaches -40 and there is snow all the times.
* no wonder this place is called virginia, it's too cold to do anything *
People:
VirginiaTech grad population can be divided as:
50% Indians ( desi - i hate them )
40% Chinese ( chinese are ok - i like their eyes )
10% American & other internationals
* i just love the american chicks maan *
American girls are generally sexy and helpful. It is normal to have casual sex when we happen to meet them while going around - even if we dont know them.
But thats not for all - i hate the african americans babes.
Wishing you best of luck in your endavours,
ROHIT KELAPURE
Bhai Kelapure
Research Assistant, Department of Computer Science,
Virginia Tech,
Virginia 75083.
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