Mohabbatein

Dear Friends, Foes and Bhai, We are back again and back with a bang! The team that brought to you such classics such as Darr, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kaho Na Paad Hai now come up with the Mega Block-buster Mohabbatein with a sensational cast. We present to you all, our biggest project undertaking. This story has everything you could ever imagined in life -> Love, Hatred, Friendship, Family, Broken hearts, Kovalis, Shinning and what not.

The movie was exclusively shot in the mystical islands of Java and also the surreal Virgin Islands. Java is such a fascinating place to shoot, lovely white beaches and corral filled crystal like seas. You could dive in and search for exotic pearls or lie on the beaches with the waves lapping up at your feet. The interiors of the island were equally wonderful, lush green valleys, trimmed bushes, cascading waterfalls and peaks exquisitely sculpted by the forces of nature. It was so beautiful that we explored the complete length and breadth of these wonderful islands.

Anyway back to our story, this is a true-life story and any satire detected is unintentional. So the story goes as follows

Mohabbatein - The Uncut Version

Characters :

1) Amitabh Bachchan - Narayan Shankar : Wah-Mit Bhow-kulle

Wah-Mit plays the role of Amitabh. Wah-Mit "the ever fresh Kovali" suits the role perfectly being fresh in all sense. Wah-Mit "the ever fresh Kovali"

2) Mrs. Narayan Shankar : Miss Uttara Bhatt

Our very own maam, Miss Uttara Bhatt plays a special role in this movie in a sporting guest appearance. She agreed to this role only on the terms that the role of Amitabh Bachchan is played by Wah-Mit.

3) Shah Rukh Khan - Raj Aryan : Kulal Machmach

Kulal, The Certificate (Vivekanada College) carrying boy, plays Shahrukh Khan.

4) Aishwarya Rai - Miss Narayan Shankar Jr. : Tanan Bandit

Tanan, The Certificate (Vivekananda College) owning girl, is the very intelligent Ashwariya Rai.

5) Jugal Hansraj - Sameer : Bullu Di Chaddi (minus his pagadi)

Bullu (the null pointer) - his pagdi = Jugal Hansraj

Bullu the Man-Eater from Meera-Gaon plays the cho chweet chocolate hero Jugal Hansraj.

6) Kim Sharma : Fun-Ali Dho-ley (alias Bam Bam Bhole)

Fun-Ali, (of no relation whatsoever to Mohammed Ali) famous for her Grizzly hair, plays Kim Sharma.

7) Kim Sharma's Beach Friend : Pom Pom Ponty No-Bra

Pom-Pom Ponty plays Kim Sharma's beach friend. You might say, Beach Friend who? But remember this is the Un-Cut, Un-Edited version of Mohabbatein.

8) Kim Sharma's Pool Friend : Cheapu Langur

Cheapo Langur is Kim Sharma's pool friend.

9) Anupam Kher : Wobin Kaun

Wobin (the not so fair) traitor plays the role of Anupam Kher who is a Sardar in the movie trying to woo the Sardarni Archana Puran Singh.

10) Archana Puran Singh : Jerry Hall

Jerry (not so slim) Hall is Archana Puran Singh.

11) Jimmy Shergil - Karan : Rohit Bhel & puri (alias Bhai, alias Emperor Rohit, Lord of the Land Of Bananas, alias The Anaconda Man, alias Badaa Admi)

Rohit the "Shaana" plays Jimmy Shergil.

12) Preeti Jhangiani : Ass-Mita

Assmita "The Sarvajanic" has been cast as Preeti J. Ass-mita is the surprise element in this story, read on how she finds her true love at the end.

13) Uday Chopra : Mister Paad

Mister Paad, "The shinner" plays Uday Chopra.

14) Shamita Shetty - Ishita : Miss Gwati Faat-kar

Gwati, "the Free-Dick hater" plays Shamita Shitty.

15) Salman Khan : He-man Jhapad-diya

He-Man, "The Linux Man" plays Salman Khan. You might say, there is no Salman Khan in the movie, but as we have constantly reminded you, this is an un-cut version.

16) Karishma Kapoor : Nun-ki Ka-Nokia
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Once upon a time long long ago in a distant land lived a tall, well built sweet little re(freshing) boy called Wah-Mit. Wah-Mit was a really good natured boy who always spoke the truth. He was a 'Man Of Principles', and believed in himself. Like Mister Paad, Wah-Mit had an angelic face full of childish innocence, however unlike Mister Paad, he was innocent in his heart as well. He was so naive that he believed that the world was as innocent as he was. Purity in 'Mind' and 'Heart' was his one principle in life. Fresh like the dew drops of morning, he was the purest of them all. Such was his pureness that he could even pass Lord Ram's "AGNI PARIKSA" with ease. His friends nicknamed him Kovali.

Wah-Mit also had this great respect for the opposite sex. He held them in high regard. He never looked at them with a 'Burri Nazar'. He would rather stare at the floor then look at girls directly in their eyes. In return the girls too held him in high regard. He was Mr. Perfect for them compared to the other 'Nalayak' guys. Wah-Mit was like a breath of fresh air. The girls idolised him to no extent. Well his purity and innocence wasn't the only reason they liked him, Wah-Mit looked like and was as well built if not more than "Hrithik Roshan". He was a true Kovali. For him every girl was like a sister (even Ass-mita).

But with the Information Technology boom there emerged a seemingly simple but very cruel language called "Java".

Features Of Java :

1.It is male-dependant.
2.It is completely object(s) oriented.
3.It creates an "instance" of an "object" of type "class"
4.It has unique "template-matching" algorithm developed by the 4-Bandars at the S.A.K.E.C labs.
5.It provides multi-user support.
6.It implements a perspective vision.
7.It has a unique AppletViewer.
8.It supports the famous "count" variable. Java provides each user a 128-bit "count" variable.
9.Java offers "socket programming" to communicate with a remote host.
10.It comes packaged with other additional components such as Java beans.
11."Data-Base at the back-end" can be accessed using JDBC-ODBC drivers by Java at the front end.
12.Java is completely compatible with "Oracle".
13.Improves knowledge of such diverse subjects as Geometry, Geography and Arithmetic.

The Complete Reference, JAVA 2 (Third Edition) authored by Patrick Naughton had this to say about Java

" Java can be summed up by the following buzz-words, Simple, Secure, Portable, Object-Oriented, Robust, Multi-Threaded, Architecture Neutral, Interpreted, High Performance, Distributed and Dynamic. "

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So back to the story.

Seeing the ever-increasing popularity of Java, Wah-Mit hired a personal instructor to teach him this language. Her name was Uttara Bhatt. But she had some other ideas.

Now Wah-Mit had a very well toned body in reply to all the hours he had put in at the Gym. His Bulging Biceps were worth their weight in Gold. Salman, Sanjay and Free-Dick had inferiority complexes when it came to Wah-Mit's Body. Wah-Mit would have put even Arnold Shwarchnegger to shame, such was the impact of those rippling muscles. Having a good height, his athletic frame made him an 'ADONIS' among mortals. Girls would start screaming "We Love Wah-Mit" laying their eyes on him. The entire country drooled about him. Guys and gals alike. Wah-Mit was the ideal 'Gay Pin-Up' fantasy. His handsome sharp features made him a Gorgeous Hunk in the true sense of the word. Good-looking, sizzling body and a pure heart, what else do you need?

Uttara Bhatt fell for him big time. She absolutely drooled over him. She very soon found that Wah-Mit as usual never saw her in that way. She did not give up and began to impress him by showing him features of Java. It was like Manika trying to seduce Vishwa Mitra. And soon enough Wah-Mit fell in for her and did the unexpected. He did something that he even hated to think about and was against his so-called ethics. This thing in novice terms is called "premarital". It was like using the 'Javac' (compilation) command before even writing the program code.

Very soon a baby girl, Tanan was born (it is similar to creation of a .class file after compilation). Miss Bhatt was ashamed of herself and so she left Wah-Mit and Tanan. His principles in life undone by one stupid mistake, Wah-Mit was dejected with himself. His entire life was now in ruins.

From that day onwards, Wah-Mit decided never to compile a Java program. He decided to save thousands of students from the evil cluthes of Java. So he setup his own University. A University where his principles were strictly followed. By now Wah-Mit had become a very rigid man. He didn't like any changes in life and still teaches students COBOL virgin 4.0 in this modern age. He even devotes most part of his day in making Tanan more intelligent. He was indeed the best premarital single father ever known.
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Attention Readers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We now start the story 20 years later from now . JMP 00x000020 years.
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By now Wah-Mit's University had grown leaps and bounds. His university offered all types of courses except Java. TEACHING OR PRACTISING JAVA WAS AGAINST THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSITY. Students from all over the country tried their level best to enter this university. Competition was fierce. But this year only a handful of students were selected from the thousands of applications and among them were 4 very evil minded and notorious shiners, Bullu the Male Slayer, Rohit the Badaa Admi (he joined this university because he was thrown out from Virginia Tech for not being a virgin), He-Man the Linux-Man and Mister Paad the father of all P.Js.

Let me go into the details about these cartoons.

1) Bullu - his Pagdi ->

This guy (I really doubt) was brilliant academically. He was called "Raatofier" by his good friends. He didn't need to know the concepts to understand things, he would just raatofy them. However the problem with Bullu was that he was known as a Male Slayer. He had a fetish for men's undies and made his evil intentions clear when he tried to do what he did to poor Wobin. Even in the pools of Arnala, he held Shetan's hand and said "Yeh Dil Maange More". He was a God in writing C programs but could never avoid the "Null Pointer" exception as he didn't have the required Header files (ROUND about 2 in all). Also the truth is that he still doesn't know Java.

2) "Bada Aadmi" Rohit ->

In the initial part of his life he was like a gentle and friendly giant with a very weak right hand. But as he cume in contact with the opposite sex, things (I mean all things) changed. His hand becume much stronger and in the process developed a huge vicious "Anaconda" also known as the venomous "Spitting Cobra". He could play the anaconda with great efficiency. His Anaconda was multi-functional, it was a musical instrument, a deadly weapon, a sensor, dance partner, it even helped him while writing a paper or typing an email, fast transport, 3-way handshake device and an end effector with three degrees of freedom -> roll, pitch and yaw. The list goes on .........

Only the vocal chords of a female could distract him. He paid no attention at all to his male friends. He hated his male friends. In fact he hated all Indians (males) and dogs. One day, he even spitted (water to be precise) on his long time well-wisher Shetan (please don't go by this name, Shetan is indeed a good guy) He also treated Shetan's partner and his own long time friend Bhow-rabh like a beggar (even Bhow-rabh is a good guy). The Blonde Bombshell had now indeed turned into a "Badaa Admi".

3) Paad the unsuccessful Shiner ->

It is indeed an insult to write about this guy. My computer crashed a few times when I wrote about him. Please refer to the story " A Tail Of A Casanova" to know everything about this bum. In short, he was a master in "paakofing". He could crack the most pathetic of jokes and make normal people go absolutely crazy. His jokes cause normal people to pull out their hair and at times could make honorable god fearing citizens start removing their clothes in sheer frustration. Hence you don't need a haircut if you are his friend. (Fun-Ali is an exception to this). He is indeed a barber's nightmare and a curse to humanity. Also he was one of the guys whose pioneering work was instrumental in developing Java. (i.e. JDK 1. 3XXX)

4) He-Man the Linux Man ->

He-Man was a born shiner like Mister Paad but unlike the PJ Master, he shined in front of only one female, Nunki. He-Man was a serious kind of a person who took his life very seriously. Never the one to mess around, all his life he tried to support Open Codes. He felt it was the duty of a software professional to make codes free for all. Share and Care was his motto in life.
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Bullu and "Bada Aadmi" had high hopes of learning Java but were very disappointed when they learnt that the University didn't offer any courses in Java. Though Mister Paad on the other hand, had developed JDK, he couldn't compile any Java programs. His pioneering work had left him too exhausted to Compile programs in Java and therefore lacked the required knowledge. Also he had not read any issues of the very famous CHIP magazine. He-Man was the only one who wasn't interested in Java, his only area of interest was the deployment of Open Source Code throughout the Institute. Wah-Mit was absolutely against the use of Open Source Codes and banned the use of Linux from his Institute. He-Man was disappointed.

These four were room partners and had soon become the best of buddies.

One day it so happened that Bullu had gone to the market to buy some stuff. There he saw his childhood friend Fun-Ali buying about a million Clips and a lakh Hair-Bands to keep her hair intact. Old memories flashed into his head, Bullu and Fun-Ali had been Langotti-Yaars. Her hair made him go bonkers and he fell in love with Fun-Ali and her outrageously enigmatic hair. Bullu was just about to express his feelings for her, when much to Bullu's disappointment came a man of few words and lot of actions, Mr. Pom-Pom Ponty No-Bra in a car and took Fun-Ali with him.

Note : Pom pom Ponty and the Cheapu Langur have performed ground breaking research in the field of Java as a programming language and are regarded along with Mister Paad and Despo Bhand as the 4 developers of Java.

Poor Bullu couldn't hit the 'hammer on its head' and soon turned into an introvert. One fine Day Fun-Ali, Pom pom Ponty and their friends had gone to Gorai Beach for a picnic. What happened there is now a part of folklore. For those who are not aware please contact Bishwas for complete details.

From that day Fun-Ali broke her friendship with Ponty but again to the disappointment of Bullu befriended Cheapo Langur. Cheapu Langur on the outside seemed to be just like Ponty, a good guy. But it wasn't so. Now this guy had a great swimming pool that could lure anyone at his guesthouse at Arnala. Bullu on the other hand had nothing. He badly needed a part-time job to pay off his college expenses. So Fun-Ali recommended him to Cheapu Langur who gave him a job of cleaning the pool daily. Bullu was indeed honored at getting such a good job.

One day Cheapu Langur invited all his friends for a poolside party including Fun-Ali. Since Fun-Ali was feeling nervous for the party she asked Bullu to accompany her. It was Fun-Ali's first poolside party and so Bullu being such a good friend accompanied her. Langur on the other hand had very cruel intentions. During the party he caught hold of Fun-Ali and threw her in the pool. He followed it up by jumping into the pool and started drowning her with his bare hands. This made Fun-Ali cry and Bullu started fuming with anger. He shouted at Langur to leave her alone. But Langur gave him his characteristic irritating dirty smile and said "Chal Bhug". Bullu and Fun-Ali decided to leave the party. Bullu asked Fun-Ali to use her head (which she incidently lacked) while choosing her friends. That day Fun-Ali attained the realization that she had fallen in love with Bullu. She expressed her feelings for Bullu and he said 'yes' at the speed of lightening. Since then they lived happily ever after. (Except for some stray incidents like 1) Arnala swimming pool incident with the good guy Shetan and also 2) the desperate plunge for Wobin's pants).

Meanwhile, one day "Bada Aadmi" had to go to the railway station to receive someone. As he was waiting for the train to arrive, he saw a beautiful, gorgeous, sexy and a white female Ass-mita standing on the other side with a black skinned hairy baby in her hand. (Incidentally she was waiting for Shetan the father of her child) Rohit was so moved by her beauty that his roll, pitch and yaw motions got distorted and disturbed his anaconda from it's slumber which rose up to see what was happening. That very moment Rohit wanted to do an RPC (Remote Procedure Call) but the train came in between which led to congestion. To reduce the congestion Rohit used the LEAKY-bucket algorithm. However Rohit couldn't stop thinking about her. From that day onwards he and his poor Anaconda couldn't even get a good night's sleep.

Now lets talk about Mister Paad, the world's most unsuccessful Shiner. In fact he even holds the Guinness Book of World Records for the most Unsuccessful Tries. As Mister Paad was about to reach his university he saw a sweet little girl trekking her way up to the peak of a coconut tree which belonged to the university. Her good name was Gwati and she had an infatuation for coconuts after her Fundoman and Chocobar trip. Mister Paad thought that he could shine on her. So he caught her and told her that she was not doing the right thing. Gwati told him politely to let her go but he did not heed her request. So a furious Gwati had to implement the famous 'OUT-OUT' technique which took Paad by surprise and left his mouth open for a while. Please note that this incident happened on land so the SHARKS couldn't come to poor Gwati's rescue and so she had to do the dirty job herself. Gwati's boldness and arrogance left a positive impression on Paad, which started a spark in his heart, called love. Since then he tried many times but as usual was unsuccessful at every attempt.

Now on to He-Man. He-Man one day was busy programming in Linux when he heard a sonorous voice asking him if he knew where the Water Cooler was. He-Man turned his gaze to the source of the sound and looked straight into the twinkling eyes of a sweet little innocent faced girl. He-man could only stare and mumbled incoherently pointing in the direction of the Water Cooler. As she turned, He-Man saw the longest hair he had ever seen. The cascading hair stretched for miles and created a built-in predicate in his mind. It was sight he could never forget. So far only Linux had managed to create such an impact in him. He-Man had just had his first meeting with Nunki.

He-Man was a very reclusive shiner. He didn't shine for all and sundry like the other shiners in the class. His shining was Intel reserved only for Nunki. One day, he even polished Nunki's MP3 CD using a mixture of Old Spice After Shave and Axe Effect Spray, when he was supposed to polish 9 1/2 weeks movie VCD. The excessive shinning caused Wobin's CD-ROM Drive to crash and his friends were not able to see the movie.
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Kahani Mein Twist : Enter Kulal without his car and cell phone

( NOTE : Kulal - (car + cellphone) = non-existent entity ).

Let me tell you something about this character. A soft-spoken person, he never abused anyone. He had a great butt to which even Mona Darling would agree. He was very very helpful person. E.g. --- if someone (for all X where X = she) had to get something say certificates from a far away place like Vivekananda College, he would unselfishly accompany her/her. Such was his good nature. He was never violent and hence could play the violin (an e.g. of Mister Paad's jokes)

One day when he was playing his violin just outside the University, the sweet resonating music attracted the Khaadus Wah-Mit. Wah-Mit approached Kulal along the Approach vector which was Normal to the Normal vector. Kulal requested Wah-Mit to employ him in his university as a music teacher. Touched by the conviction in Kulal's voice and also his scintillating music, the rigid Wah-Mit enrolled Kulal into the college. Now Kulal was a Wolf in Sheep's clothing, his intentions of joining the university were devilish. This guy was a professional in Java (in fact he is the author of Java 3XXX - THE COMPLETE REFERENCE) and wanted to teach every student in the university how to use and compile Java (I wonder what he was up to)

Very soon he befriended the four despos amongst other students. He asked them to attend his (mu)sic classes. They all agreed enthusiastically. Kulal knew that Wah-Mit hated any sort of changes. He was a man of Principles and a strict disciplinarian, never the one to go against the rulebook. One day Kulal approached Wah-Mit along the Approach vector and Normal to the Normal Vector and requested permission to organize a 'Tharra Party ' (an alias for holi). Wah-Mit gave in to his advances and asked them to enjoy it, but it had to be outside the university premises. So Kulal and his students went to Wobin's Sarvajanic house and had a blast. The Party was a big hit with the students. Bullu started singing songs and riding imaginary horses; even Rohit's Anaconda got drunk. The students were really happy with the arrival of Kulal.

Kulal setup Rohit as a music teacher at Ass-mita's place. As I told u, Rohit was very good in playing the Anaconda. We did mention that one of Anaconda's multi-purpose uses is as a Musical Instrument. And Rohit was a master of this mystical instrument. No one could play the Anaconda better than Rohit. Now Rohit wanted to take full advantage of Shetan's absence. He firmly believed in the principle "Garam Hai Loha Maar De Anaconda (Hathoda)".

He hoped that someday he would be able to ball-dance with Ass-Mita. Initially Ass-Mita was very reluctant to use the Anaconda but seeing the experience, expertise and the efficiency with which Rohit could use the Anaconda made her accept the Anaconda with both hands. Well we forgot to mention what kind of musical instrument the Anaconda was. The Anaconda is a wind instrument much like a Flute or Scottish Bagpipes. The player has to blow very hard at one end varying the chord and the pitch using the fingers of both hands. It is very difficult to maneuver and hence only few people in this world can play it with the ease and clarity that Rohit can. Also the specialty about the Anaconda was that it could itself play the Bongo. So it worked as a dual musical wonder.

Now Ass-Mita was impressed by Rohit's musical skills and slowly their friendship grew into love. Rohit started dancing with euphoria. But to Rohit's disappointment, a few months later Ass-Mita gave birth to another black child. This time it was Langur who had the last laugh. Even after this incident Rohit still loved her with his heart and Anaconda. Seeing his love, loyalty, affection and dedication towards her, Ass-Mita decided to only bear children from men who are white and have blond hair so that Rohit would not suspect any foul play. Both of them lived happily for some time. Then one day, a blonde baby was born to Ass-Mita. Rohit was very excited. At last his efforts had borne fruit. However days later when he picked the baby up and ran his hands over it's blonde hair, he found out that the baby was wearing a blond wig. The baby had black hair and said " Badaa Admi, galti se mistake ho gaya ". This time Bhow-rabh had the last laugh. Rohit was infuriated for a while and he never quite forgave his old friend Bhow-rabh who got a good spanking from The Anaconda. However he pardoned Ass-Mita and they lived happily ever after.

ps: "they" in the above sentence refers to Bhow-rabh and Ass-Mita.

Meanwhile another love story was in the making. Wobin the Sardar Canteen-wala in Wah-Mit's Institute was infatuated with a Sardarni Jerry Hall. He loved her aggressive style of speaking and also the way she walked. She was a Gaja-Gamini. Now one day Bullu had invited everyone to a party at his native place in MeeraGaon. While everybody was having a ball dancing to the tunes of Dil Se, Wobin slowly while no one was watching took a pillow placed it on Jerry Hall's lap and slept on it. Since everyone was busy dancing, no one really noticed what Wobin had done. Wobin enjoyed this LapTop service for quite a while. His heart fluttered and he was heads and heels in love with Jerry Hall. At first, Jerry Hall was enraged, she stamped her foot down so hard that the earth shook violently and an Earthquake occured in Bhuj. But later when she calmed down she started to have some feelings of affection for Wobin and they lived happily ever after. God Bless Them.

Kulal after the success with Rohit, turned his attention to He-Man. He advised He-Man to change his route and start travelling by train Central side so that he gets to know Nun-ki better. He-Man was delighted, now he could spend his travelling time talking to Nun-ki and also get to see her lovely long hair every day. By the way, now it took him almost twice the time to reach home as compared to the Western side, his earlier route of travel. He-Man and Nun-ki soon got to know each other better and became the best of friends. He-Man started to divide his time equally between Linux and Nun-ki. Kulal suggested to him that instead of concentrating on Linux which was banned in the Institute he could create a new Open Source code called Janux which had all features of Linux. He-Man was ecstatic on hearing this new idea and jumped up with joy. However till date He-Man still likes his Linux more than his Janux.

However Kulal the shrewd guy had other ideas. He wanted to load Linux everywhere after upgrading it with JDK1.3XXX. That meant an open source Java which was the deadliest weapon against Wah-Mit. Such was his sinister mind.

While all this was happenning, Kulal knowing Mister Paad's pathethic failures at shining set him up as Miss Gwati's dance partner. In a way it was a good pairing. Mister Paad's butt was as good as, if not better than anyone. Mona Darling would definitely agree to this. It was like a huge tomato (his butt) that was held by a 1 mm stick (his body). Even Jennifer Lopez was like "Paani kam chai" in front of him. Mister Paad also knew some erotic butt-moves which could even enthrall Visha Mitra.

Initially, the arrogant Free-Dick hater, Gwati had some reservations about Mister Paad and kept him at a distance. This made Mister Paad ill at ease since he thought his attempt had gone waste again. Disgusted with his misfortune Mister Paad began to cry. Gwati was moved by his tears (not by him). She could not bear to see him cry. Touched with emotions, she accepted him with both hands which were insufficient in length because of the huge circumference of Mister Paad's butt. However Mister Paad had broken his record of "Unsuccessful Try" streaks. From that day onwards their life was never "Ruke Ruke Yeh Zindagi".

Meanwhile, the ever observant Wah-Mit had taken a note of all these incidents and the animosity between him and Kulal was growing day by day. Kulal, one day, asked Wah-Mit if he could arrange a Terrace party for the guys of the university and also bring a few girls from the girl's hostel nearby. Wah-Mit was enraged with this request and flicked it aside like VVS Laxman. Wah-Mit rejected the proposal because he was of the opinion that a Terrace party with girls would lead to breach of university rules including the ones on Java, Visual Basic and in particular the fundamental rule on "Premarital". Kulal was shocked by Wah-Mit's blunt refusal and his ego (egg) took a beating. He was hurt to no bounds. He decided to reveal his true color.

( colour -> this is for those who going to stay in India )
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Attention readers !!!!!!!!!now the story goes back in time to 5 years from now

JMP -00X0005 years ( intra segment jump )
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This was a time when Kulal himself was a student of Wah-Mit's prestigious University. Wah-Mit's daughter Tanan, had mastered all the programming languages except for Java. She knew that Wah-Mit vehemently opposed education in Java and would never agree to her learning Java. So boldly she decided to learn java from a private institution near Swami Vivekanand College and mastered it in no time. One day she bumped into Kulal while she was going to collect her "Java Certified Professional" certificate. The chemistry between the two of them clicked instantly and Tanan asked him to accompany her. Kulal agreed instantly as he was indeed a people (her/her)-person.

Deep inside, Tanan being so much attached to Wah-Mit, was feeling guilty conscious about two things,

1) Her learning Java without Wah-mit's approval

2) Her going out (-out) with Kulal.

So she went to Wah-Mit and did the unexpected "Haag diya" ( means she told him everything). Wah-Mit was so enraged that he exploded like a Volcano and turned red with anger. The confession had infuriated Wah-Mit so much that he rusticated Kulal without even seeing his face or listening to his side of the story. He also decided to send Tanan forever to a place far far away enrolling her in a Java-Rehabilitation centre under the guidance of none other than Nun-Vi.

Kulal decided to teach Wah-Mit a lesson and take his vengeance. He learnt Java " inside out " and explored it like no man on the face of the earth had ever done. He became a Jedi-Master in the art of Java. He swore to inculcate Java into each and every future student of the university.
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Back to present tense. ( Scene - Confrontation between Wah-Mit & Kulal )
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Kulal told Wah-Mit he would spread java in the blood of all the students. Wah-Mit challenged him to do it. Kulal installed Linux on the servers of the University and upgraded it with JDK 1.3XXX on the servers of the University without Wah-Mit's permission and knowledge. He did not stop at that and taught Java to every student in the University with great passion using all his years of Java experience. He also loaded Java 3D XXX, JSDK 1.1XXX, JavaBeansXX and also CORBA XXX.

One day Wah-Mit on his usual rounds of the University Campus unseemingly caught a student compiling a Java program. Wah-Mit remembered his days with Uttara Bhatt and his heart skipped a bit. His everything was moved by this incident and he and his everything started melting. He could not sleep at night thinking about the compilation. Next day, he went to a Udipi restaurant with his old chum Love-Kick. While they were discussing Wah-Mit's problems, Wah-Mit laid his eyes on two very exotic sites (sights). Wah-Mit couldn't help himself and with the help of Love-Kick compiled his first Java program in 20 years using an AppletViewer. He didn't stop at one but compiled his second program in quick time. Wah-Mit was relieved and realised his folly. He had been mislead for 20 long years. He resolved to set matters straight and apologised to Kulal. The following day he apologised to the students and made Kulal the (dick)head of the university. The students cheered loudly and danced with joy.

This, my friends is the end of a very fascinating story.
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Here is the present condition of all the characters.

Wah-Mit -> After realising that he had wasted many years Wah-Mit now compiles a different java program everyday.

Kulal -> Currently developing an advanced version of the template-matching algorithm. He is also the sole author of "JAVA 3XXX UNLEASHED".

Tanan -> Right now she is being harrassed by Nun-Vi. (I wonder why)

Bullu -> Still doesn't know anything about Java but can at least compile a Java program unknowingly.

Fun-Ali -> Is fed up with Bullu and his encounters of a different kind with his very close male friends.

Pom pom Ponty -> Visits Gorai everyday hoping that his luck would change.

Cheapu Langur -> Swims alone in his pool.

Mister Paad -> Compiles the same program everyday so that he doesn't get a "try-catch" error.

Gwati -> Still hates Free-Dick.

Rohit -> He has developed the Network Programming (RPC, Congestion Control, TCP (safe) and UPD (unface) protocol) part of JDK.

Ass-Mita -> Still giving birth to black children.

Wobin -> Still loves Programming on his Lap-Top.

Jerry Hall -> Still loves being Programmed on her Lap-Top.

He-Man -> He-Man still likes his Linux more than his Janux. (Red) Hats off to him.

Nun-Ki -> Nun-ki still travels by Central Railway with He-Man.

____________ THE END _______________


Bhow-rabh->B Shetan->S

Director : B & S, Producer : S & B, Dialog : B & S, Cast : S & B

JDK : 4 Banders.