Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai

DISCLAIMER :

ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY ARE FICTIONAL AND SOME DYSFUNCTIONAL. ANY RESEMBLENCE OF THE PROTAGONIST OF THIS STORY TO ANY ANIMAL OR EXTRA TERRESTIAL CREATURE EITHER LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND TOTALLY UNINTENTIONAL. ANY VIEWS OR OPINIONS PRESENTED IN THIS STORY ARE SOLELY THOSE OF THE AUTHORS AND THEY ACCEPT NO LIABILITIES IN CASE OF ANY DAMAGE TO EGO OR REPUTATION OF THE PROTAGONIST. THIS STORY IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL AND IS INTENDED ONLY FOR THE MEMBERS OF THIS EGROUP. IF YOU ARE NOT THE NAMED ADDRESSEE, YOU SHOULD NOT DISSEMINATE, DISTRIBUTE OR COPY THIS STORY. THIS WOULD BE TREATED AS COPYLEFT INFRINGEMENT AND A PARTY WOULD BE TAKEN FROM YOU FOR LIBEL DAMAGES.


THE PROTAGONIST - POM POM PONTY - TUSSHAR KAPOOR

Once upon a time in the magical village of Irla lived a big little kid called Ponty. Ponty was a Punjab da Sher and was often referred to as "Sher Singh". Ponty was enormously built and looked fearsome but in his heart he was still a small kid. All his close friends knew that he was a sheep in a lion's clothing. Ponty often seemed like a quiet person immersed in his own thoughts. It has been proven scientifically that Ponty has spent 2/3 rd of his life thinking. In such moments of mental solitude, Ponty has a mysterious smile on his face and enigmatic facial expressions. His closest friends too had no idea what Ponty thought about all the time. His deeply engrossed thinking had fooled many a people into believing that Ponty was a philosopher or a young scientist on the brink of a major discovery. Even his good friends from former BE-3 were fooled by this "thinking" sardar. (such irony) However after years of friendship with Ponty it was widely accepted by his friends, that Ponty was busy thinking about all the jokes that he had heard throughout his life and a sudden burst of laughter meant that he had finally understood a joke that was cracked months or even years ago. Ponty, they thought had a built in Delay Flip Flop, which had a delay almost equivalent to the time it took for the earth to revolve around the sun a number of times.

But the fearsome Sardar Ponty it seemed was not as foolish as he looked. While other people were busy cracking jokes (that Ponty could never understand) and laughing, Ponty was busy contemplating about his life and all the important aspects of life. He thought about his future, his present and even his past. He thought about love, about lost causes, about friendships .... even about studies. This was one man who thought about the entire Universe and above all his CAREER.

One more of his remarkable qualities was that he could come up with the most amazing of ideas in the most unlikely of situations.

1) In our previous story titled "Tungarlee Waterfall Project", we have illustrated how Ponty took all his friends for a ride in search of an elusive waterfall that never existed.

2) Also his insistence on his choice of dinner had burnt a hole in the pockets of his good friends which included the irrepressible cheapu Langur, the pathetic PJ master Paad, the "tukku" landlord Wobin, the new shiner Love-Kick Chutney and the two good guys Shetan and Bhow-rabh.

Ponty had a big heart and an equally shrewd brain. This intelligent Sardar decided to postpone his higher studies. Would any normal person of average intelligence give up an admit from a respectable University in America !!!! This was highly preposterous, in fact bordering on the ridiculous. Only GOD knows, why Ponty did that. Was it his job with Chatni Computers.... or was it something else !!!! (We wonder) Anyway this will always remain a mystery for us that only Ponty's mind (knees, I should say) can unravel.

Ponty was a giant among men and had a protruding belly. He could breathe fire and his voice was like the roar of a hungry lion that put fear among even the bravest of men. He could bamboozle even the smartest and the strongest of his fellow beings with his brand of questions and the most notorious of all his queries, "Q - kyooooooooon" ("why" translated to English for the sophisticated NRIs). Ponty's PJs are legendary (thought not in the same league as the PJ Master Paad) and his ability to belly laugh at his own jokes (at least he refers to them as jokes) is just mind-boggling. But Ponty is a coward at heart. He fears the world in general and girls in particular. On encountering a girl his tongue gets stuck up somewhere in his mouth and he starts to tremble and flutter like the leaves of a tree in a strong wind. After years of practicing, nowadays he manages to say "Hi" to quite a few number of girls. However this mighty Sher says it so softly that even his ears have difficulty in picking up. That's what you call as "saving energy" !

Legends have it that once Ponty sets his eyes on something, he will strive hard to get it. His patience is praiseworthy. Even a crocodile will get frustrated seeing the amount of patience that he has. In fact at the end, patience is the only thing that he is left with !!!! There are number of examples which we can give on this but we feel that it is unethical on our part, to divulge into the personal lives of people. That is why we are very well respected all around. Well we could go on and on about Ponty, in fact we could write a 1000 page Biography on him. But the time is short and hence it is not possible for us to write all his characteristics. So back to our story.

KAHANI MEIN TWIST : ENTRY OF BHALOO

We can't really recollect the time when this incident occurred, but we think it was somewhere in the Third Year of Engineering. Ponty was rushing down the steps on his way to the canteen to bully some poor unsuspecting victim into sponsoring his lunch. Just as he turned the corner on First Floor, Ponty laid his eyes on the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen in his life. Ponty stopped dead in his tracks. His mind went blank (or analogously, his knees went numb) as he kept staring at this lovely girl. He flushed and blushed. Her pulchritude was beyond compare and Ponty's heart skipped a thousand beats. He was so mesmerized by her that he did not even realize that he was blocking her path.

Excuse Me ... The words came to him like the mellifluous sounds of a flute or like the scintillating sound of the santoor reverberating through a lush green valley. Ponty was lost in his dream world.

Excuse MEE ... There was that sonorous voice again. Suddenly Ponty realized that the words were directed towards him. His dreams shattered, he came crashing down into reality. Ponty moved aside mumbling something incoherently (we guess that it was “Q”). As she breezed past him Ponty realized that he had finally met the girl of his dreams.

Later with the help of his common friends Ponty got to know the name of the girl. She was Bhalguni referred to, by her friends as Bhaloo. Ponty was besotted with her .. he could not get her out of his mind. Actually speaking Ponty was clean-bowled ! Ironically he doesn't know how to bat. Ponty is just an ineffective spinner (as Boycott says - Lollypop Bowler) but whenever Ponty sees her on the ground he bowls as if he is the "Irla-Express" (at times even faster than the Rawalpindi Express). The speed at which he bowls is astounding; the ball burns due to the friction with the atmosphere. He does all this to impress her.

As we mentioned above, Ponty gets tongue tied when it comes to talking with the opposite sex. But Bhalguni was Ponty's dream girl, and in front of her, however hard he tried, Ponty couldn't utter a single word. He stammered and stuttered, bellowed and screamed but nothing seemed to cum out of his mouth. That made him furious with rage. He realized that this wasn't the way to charm her. In fact her impression of him had slipped down to abysmal levels. Ponty knew he had to do something to gain her attention. And he decided, histrionics was the only way out. We already mentioned about the Irla Express, Ponty tried to be a part of the Fashion Show competition, he danced wildly at festivals, cracked more inane jokes, laughed louder and maybe even postponed his decision to go to America ( We still wonder ). He also managed to get some tips from a notorious Casanova-cum-flirt and big-time kulti-king, Sir Langur. He did all this just to impress her. He did manage to improve his image somewhat but his achievement was comparable to a small drop of water in the entire Indian Ocean. (Siddhuism). However being terrified of females, Ponty still didn't have the courage to open his mouth. It wasn't as if Ponty didn't try, he tried his heart out. Every time he tried to tell her the words just didn't come out of his mouth.

In sheer frustration he started to sing

"kya kare kya na kare yeh kaisi mushkil haay…koi to bataa de is ka hal o mere bhai … ki ek taraf to us se pyaar kare hum ... aur us ko hii yeh kahane se Dare hum ...

kya kare kya na kare yeh kaisi mushkil haay…. koi to bataa de is ka hal o mere bhai….. ki ek taraf to us se pyaar kare hum ... aur us ko hii yeh kahane se Dare hum ...

roz roz hum sochta yehi … aaj hum ko woh agar mil jaae kahi … to aisa bolega (saala) vaisa bolega … khula-khula us pe dil ka raaz hum kholega … woh saamne chamaktii hai saans hii atakti hai … aur yeh zabaan jaatii hai phisal ...

kya kare kya na kare yeh kaisi mushkil haay !!!!."


This goes on and on. On her birthday Ponty tried to call her up. He had decided that this was it, it was now or never. When Bhaloo picked up the phone, Ponty screamed : "Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai ….. ". Bhaloo : "Kya?"

Ponty had practiced for this moment a thousand times, he wanted to say those three magical words, but nothing seemed to cum out of mouth. There was a deafening silence as the whole world came to a standstill. For 5 minutes Ponty couldn't say anything. On the other end, Bhaloo waited patiently for Sher Singh. Ponty, however couldn’t gather up the courage to speak out his mind (knees to be precise !!). Finally after what seemed like ages, Ponty just whispered an anti-climactic "Happy birthday".

At the end, Ponty hung up the phone and went back to his thinking process. (We are indeed privileged to have with us this intellectual of such a high quality among us) He was dejected, he had failed again to speak out his heart. Now his motto seemed just like the spider (and to some extent Mr. Paad) : “Try and try till you succeed !”. Way to go buddy (y).

Ponty should be thankful to his dear male friends of BE comps (former) for always being with him when he has needed them. They have tried everything to get things to work out for him but unless Mr. Ponty makes some useful efforts on his part, there's no scope for any improvement. He should realize that time is running out and “Pehle Aap, pehle aap main gaadi nikal jayeegi” He shouldn’t wait for things to happen but make things happen. This is all the advice we can offer. May the force be with you, Ponty.

We being writers of Fiction have taken the liberty of predicting what would happen in the future. Here is what we think will happen.

KAHANI KA CLIMAX …

APPROXIMATELY 2 MONTHS FROM NOW………

DATE : 13TH MARCH 2002…….
LOCATION : Tukku Ji Ni Vaadi ( urf Bobby Ji Ni Vaadi )
TIME : 9:00 am.

SCENE:

It's a quiet pleasant morning. All the free souls of BE comps and a soul from construction dept. are blissfully sleeping without a worry in this world.

The serenity of the morning is disturbed when all of a sudden, the phone rings…… RING! RING!.

Wobin, the LandLord of the Vaadi is woken up from his deep slumber and picks up the phone.

Wobin : "Hello"

Caller : "Ponty chhe?" (a Gujrati line for : "Is Ponty there")

A sleepy Wobin was surprised to hear a feminine voice asking for Ponty. In his 4 years of association with Ponty, this had happened only once. Well that time it had turned out to be Ponty's mom. So Wobin assumed that it was Ponty’s mom trying to speak in Gujrati and shook the sleeping tiger. The tiger woke up giving a terrifying roar, which was measured at 4.20 on the Richter scale. He hated to be disturbed from his sleep. However after having splashed water on his face to get rid of his sleep, he picked up the phone and in his usual style said (assuming the caller to be his mom) "Kya Hai" very arrogantly. But little did he know, it was not his mom. It was his dream girl Bhaloo.

Bhaloo : "Mujhe Kuch kehna hai"

But by reflex action he queried “Q Kyooooooooon ?”.

He soon realized that he was making a fool of himself. (Rather he was making a Ponty of himself) After gathering a little courage and his usual thinking, he said : "Kya Kehna Hai ?".

Ponty was suddenly excited. He thought that the moment he had been waiting for all his life had finally arrived. He had seen the movie Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai a thousand times and in that movie, in the climax, the heroine finally says the 3 magical words. Ponty thought this was it. Ideas begun to rain down on his mind in torrents.

So what did Bhaloo finally say to him. Did she finally tell Ponty what he had been waiting for his life. Was this the climax we have all been waiting for? To find what Bhaloo said to him, please scroll downwards.














Hold on to your seatbelts folks, you are in for the ride of your lives. Go on.













Still waiting for the climax ... go ahead ... and find out for yourselves.














The suspense is building isn't it ? Heart patients better stop reading. Others scroll down further.














Are you still with us ? Well your patience is astounding. Hats off to you. Go further down.














Anyway the person who guesses the suspense gets a free dinner at Subbalakshmi sponsored by none other than Mohinder Chopra.














Hee hee .. The tension is building. Go down scroll further.














You might have plans for bashing us up right ? But go on ahead .. the climax will cool you down.














You are still here ? Your patience amazes me. Go on .. you are almost there.














Ok well, that's enough of suspense for you people. Well what did Bhaloo say…..














BHALOO SAID …………. I MEAN BHALOO TOLD PONTY THAT ………… RATHER BHALOO TOLD PONTY ON THE PHONE ……… ACTUALLY BHALOO TOLD PONTY ON THE PHONE …….. (hmm) SHE SAID …… (he he) HAPPY BIRTHDAY PONTY ….


Ponty was crestfallen, his hopes shattered and his dreams destroyed. He had no other option but to mumble a Thank You and hung up the phone dejectedly.

THE END.

(Well we admit that this turned out to be an anti-climax but this is the best we can hope for our dear friend Mr. Ponty)

ps. (before we leave) - We would like to dedicated a song to Pom Pom Ponty. It is from the film ' Dil to pagal hai '.

And it goes “Kab tak chup baaythe ho…aab to kuch hai boolna!"

Thank you for bearing with us. This is all we have to say. And Ponty, Dil Pe Mat Le Yaar. Any comments, whether appreciation or criticism are kindly welcomed.



- Compiled and Edited by Sourabh & Ketan.